the slippery slope of “I can” vs. “I want”

PRO TIP: pair this with the journal entry, the seven of cups ✨

There is a slippery slope created by decisions oriented on the thoughts:

“I can do that.”
and/or
“I can make this work.”

vs.

“I want to do that.”

In the moment, decisions oriented around ‘can’ can feel empowering, as if you are in control, or as if you are actively shaping a future that you can live happily within.

But the truth is that when you compile a lifetime (or even just one year) of decisions oriented on ‘can’ vs. ‘want’, you wake up one day wondering how this became your life.

• how you ended up making $250k+ a year in a career you fucking hate, in a city that is 900+ miles away from everyone you love, with a mortgage and children’s lives that make it feel impossible to leave

• how you ended up being the default parent, default housekeeper, default scheduler, default cook, and default problem-solver in a two-adult household.

• how you ended up with an alcoholic partner, who has been literally hiding empty beer cans around your house and in your neighbor’s trash cans.

• how you ended up sleeping next to someone every night, who doesn’t even know the whole universe of who you are, or even what your favorite color is

• how you ended up being promoted into a job that has you crying in your car before work every day

• how you ended up with a house, a car, a kid and a life in the suburbs, when what you really wanted was a high rise in NYC, a passport full of stamps and less responsibility

How you ended up realizing that every major decision of the last decade made sense individually, yet almost none of them produced a life you would happily choose today.

The tragedy isn’t that you made one big, bad decision that you can point to as the crux of it. The tragedy is that you made a hundred perfectly reasonable decisions that just are not adding up.

And now you see it.

And now you can’t unsee it.

The danger in ‘I can’ is that it’s true:

You CAN tolerate a lot. You CAN adapt. You CAN make the money work. You CAN make the situation work. You CAN carry more than your share. You CAN find something beautiful in a life you never would have chosen.

But maybe the question shouldn’t be whether or not you can.

Maybe the question is, why are you using your extraordinary capacity to adapt as evidence that you should.

The truth is that ‘I want’ feels 1000% more scary in the moment. And building a life oriented on ‘I want’ requires immense courage, yes.

But it might be the only way to protect yourself from waking up even deeper into a life that you wouldn’t choose, that isn’t your own — or worse, a life that you hate.

It’s scary to choose what you want in the moment, but doing something scary the first time it calls to you is infinitely less painful than backing out of a perfectly reasonable life that isn’t your own.

There is a Turkish proverb that says,

No matter how far down the wrong path you’ve walked, turn around.

So, if any of this speaks to you — turn around. Choose the thing that you actually desire. If you aren’t sure what you desire, if the possibilities feel like too many, if you’ve gotten lost in whatever life you find yourself in today, read this week’s journal entry. It’s a deep dive into our tarot card of the week: the seven of cups. It holds immense wisdom for these moments where we feel uncertain.

And if you need help orienting yourself on what you do want vs. what you’ve always done, or what you can (or ‘should’) do — it’s a great time to hire a coach (most especially if you aren’t 100% sure what it is that you want anymore). I have two spots open for private coaching and I’d love to hear from you how I can best support you. Book a discovery call here or just hit reply.

If this resonates, you’ve read about the seven of cups, and you aren’t sure you want to commit to coaching, it could be a great time to book a reading. Book here or hit reply to this email.

Otherwise, TCP is alive and kicking. Peep our website to see the new branding (it’s so bomb! we are so excited!). And explore our resources to see the weekly tarot pull, read old newsletters, and listen to the podcast.

Big love,
Big gratitude,
MG <3