💌 read this when you’re not sure what you want

Last week I wrote to you about the difference between building a life around “I can make this work” and “I want this.”

Maybe you read it and thought: Okay, great. But what if I have no fucking idea what I want?

First, you’re not alone.

Second, If you’ve spent years making decisions based on what makes sense, what you can handle, what other people need from you, what you’re good at, what pays well, what you’ve already invested in, what would be ‘irresponsible’ to walk away from, what you can tolerate,  etc. etc. etc. etc.

you probably have gotten really, really, really good at making things work. 

and you probably have also gotten really, really bad at knowing what you want. 

The good news? It doesn’t mean that you don’t want things

However, I’m willing to bet that the second a hint of a desire creeps in, you’re automatically (and maybe even subconsciously) interrogating it.

(Your brain, consciously or not )

Is it realistic?
How would I make money doing that?
What would happen to the kids?
What will people think?!
What about the mortgage?
Am I really going to throw away everything I’ve built?
What if I regret it?
What if I’m just bored?
What if I should be more grateful?
What if it’s not the right thing?
What if I fail?
What if I look dumb?
What if it doesn’t work out?

Basically, before the want can fully form, you’ve already negotiated it down into something reasonable. Maybe something adjacent to what you really want. Probably definitely something you can ‘make work’.

OR, before the want has fully formed, its already been rejected, suppressed, DENIED and swept back into the recesses. 

If you follow TCP on Instagram, you might have seen that last week I pulled the seven of cups with the hanged man in reverse. 

Upright, the hanged man is a card inviting surrender. It’s saying, be here, be in the suspension. You cannot control your way into becoming.

Reversed, it’s indicating serious resistance to the surrender. But it’s also saying that, maybe you’re hanging here in suspension, when you don’t really need to be anymore. Maybe it’s time to take action now, instead of continuing to make this current reality work for you.

And. You can stay. You can carry whatever load you’ve been carrying for way too long. You can adjust to make it more comfortable. You can find the 111th other perspective. You can be more patient with yourself and everyone else. You can lower your expectations. And, sure, you can probably figure out how to be happy wherever you are. [insert gratitude journal entries and lists. IFYKYK]

Enter the seven of cups — Seven cups floating in the clouds, each cup holding something different: Possibility. Desire. Fantasy. Fear. Beauty. Ego. Illusion.

Swirliness.

Traditionally, this can be a card of confusion, a card of too many possibilities, a card that represents not knowing what’s real. Traditionally, it could be an indicator of fantasy versus reality.

But, with the hanged man reversed, I don’t think confusion is the problem here. I think confusion (or allowing ourselves to get lost in the swirliness of many different desires) is the medicine.

If I asked you right now, What do you want?

And if you are absolutely not allowed to explain how it would work, how might you answer?

If you aren’t allowed to immediately tell me why it’s not possible, or immediately shift your want into something reasonable, how might you answer?

If you aren’t allowed to consider the mortgage, or your resume, or your partner, or your parents, or your employees, or even what you said you wanted last week, how would you answer?

If you aren’t required to act on it, how would you answer?

Could you let yourself want? And if yes, what would it be? 

What would you let yourself want?

But really,

Maybe you’d want seven completely contradictory things.
Maybe you’d want to quit your job AND keep making the money.
Maybe you’d want to move to New York AND live by the ocean.
Maybe you’d want to build a company AND never manage another human being again.
Maybe you’d want to leave AND desperately want what you have to become what you hoped it would be.
Maybe you’d want something so wildly impractical that you’d normally dismiss it before you even finished thinking the thought.

And if so, excellent. Now we are getting somewhere. 

Because the medicine of the cards is basically saying, whatever you find yourself wanting, let it be there — all of it.

The seven of cups isn’t asking you to choose the right cup. It’s asking you to notice what’s inside your cups.

Fun fact: There is a difference between discernment and prematurely making your desires practical.

And yes, you will eventually have to discern.

Because yes, not everything you want is meant to become your life.

And also,

• Some wants are fantasies.

• Some wants are escape hatches.

• Some wants are actually not even your wants, but someone else’s dream that you’ve accidentally adopted as your own (or multiple people’s dreams piecemealed together to form what you always thought you wanted too).

• And, some wants are reactions to pain.

• Some wants are all ego, baby.

• Some wants are actually fear, but masked as desire.

And then some wants are genuine wants — these wants are yours.

Fun fact #2: You can’t discern between desires you won’t even allow yourself to have and hold.

IMO, this isn’t the moment to figure your whole life out. 

Whatever answer you think you need right now boils down to your ability to stop asking

“How can I make this work?”

And to just allow yourself to want (anything at all). And to allow yourself to be in the swirliness of wanting before you turn any of it into a plan.

BTW, this is a lot of what coaching with me looks like.

Which is not me sitting across from you, telling you to quit your job, leave your relationship, start the company, move across the country, or blow up your perfectly reasonable life.

PSA: I don’t know what your life should look like (and no one else does — only you). 

Therefore, I can (and will) sit with you in the space between the life you’ve learned how to make work and the life you would consciously choose.

Together, we can pull apart what you want from what you think you’re supposed to want. We can look at what is actually yours vs. what you’ve inherited or picked up along the way. We can find what is disguised as fear, fantasy, obligation. And we can sift out what is true.

And from what is true, we get to ask and envision:

what might it look and feel like, to build a life around your truth? 

Clearly and intentionally. Not impulsively. Not overnight. Not recklessly. Not without considering reality. 

But for you to become the kind of person who moves from that deep inner well of knowledge and truth, seamlessly. 

And maybe you’ve been that person before. I know that I’ve oscillated in and out of bowing to my true desires and getting lost following the shiny object. I’ve had to walk myself back more times than I’d care to count.

If you’re in that space right now — maybe a little lost in the sauce of the 7 cups, maybe forcing suspension in a life that isn’t 100% your own, maybe not entirely sure anymore of what it is that you actually want — I have two private coaching spots open. 

Book a discovery call. You do not need to have any semblance of clarity before you book that call. 

In fact, figuring that out together is the perfect place to begin. 

big love,
mg

PS. The Hanged Man (reversed) did, in fact, show up again this week. This time, it’s alongside the 5 of cups (reversed). Stay tuned for an in depth journal entry. And, book a reading here if you want to know what the cards (and the records) hold for you this week/month/year. <3